I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
