"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
