The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Farmville is her only friend.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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