Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
