you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
