i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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