Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
