Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Randomize
