Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
