There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
