maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
