WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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