i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
