Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
