Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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