I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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