the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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