I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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