Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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