I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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