I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I intend to get homeless drunk
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
