Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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