Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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