Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
