Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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