my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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