i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
