Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
we should paint friendship bongs
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
