youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
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She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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