Soap is not a condiment
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
