I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
