she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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