TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We talked him into tasing himself.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
