I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
