There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
