And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
