I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
