whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i think my cat just said my name.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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