turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
