Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
