at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
