That's intense
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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