hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
