Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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