a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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