I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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