A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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