Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
