I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
