We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My feet surprised me
Randomize
