i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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