I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
