On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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