Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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