My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
