There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize