he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
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Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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