I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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