Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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