Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
