i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
