i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
