Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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