Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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