My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
