he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
