I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
