I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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