yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So many bounce houses so little time
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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