Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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