Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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