i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
