So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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