You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
