Quick, to the slutcave!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
