I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
