I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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