at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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