U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
