u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
