i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
