Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
