also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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