Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
