guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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