Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
