Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
