i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
