Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
