dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
