Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize